Me and My Money

Absconding husband left her with debt

Posted November 25, 2011
Originally Published February 12, 2009

Q: My husband of 15 years recently left me for a woman in Turkey he has been having an email relationship for at least a year. He is also from Turkey and I am pretty sure I’ve seen the last of him. He left me with $47,000 of joint credit card and line of credit debt but also a rental condo. Our (my) townhouse has a $257,000 mortgage and I think there is about $50,000 in equity in the condo. I don’t know whether I should sell the condo or maybe both and start again. Laura S.

A: The complete cad! Though I bet you have hurled far more choice words in his direction. Your best course of action here – aside from a mission of vengeance to Turkey – is what relieves your stress but also makes sense financially.
Condos are the canary in the coal mine in economic downturns and we have seen significant declines in many markets. An income property is great but you now have to manage it yourself, which can be stressful. You also have debt equal to your condo equity. Why not wipe the debt slate clean as it is unlikely you will see an increase in the condo’s value and your debt is sucking anywhere from 6 to 20% in interest out of your wallet.
As for the townhouse, get rid of the condo first and then see how you feel.

Q: My husband & I retired in the early 1990’s. In the late 1980’s we bought a house. I had salted away money when interest rates were very good into GIC’s. That and some shares were our main savings, most of which paid for our home. My husband also has RRSP’s. Since we bought the house, money management seems EXTREMELY complicated to me. I find that talking bonds, mutual funds and everything else to do with money, is like a foreign language to me. My husband makes all the decisions with a financial advisor and I feel totally out of it. I’m afraid that one day if I have to deal with our finances on my own, I will be totally out in left field. Suzanne R.

A: I am so glad you want to understand your financial life. So many people, particularly women, find themselves thrust into money management later in life with no preparation.

My suggestion is to begin simply. Start with things you can easily understand and take control of them. In your case you might want to start by taking over the monthly bills and making sure everything gets paid. Once you feel comfortable with that move on to your bank and credit card statements by reading them thoroughly to make sure there are no errors and cross checking with cheques and receipts.

Now to investments. I really like a site called www.investored.ca. Go to the investing basics link for a series of readable chapters on the subject. While you are doing this start reading your husband’s investment statements. Write down questions as they occur to you. Accompany your husband to see the advisor and ask about everything you don’t understand.

Above all, be patient with yourself. It still may take you a year or two to really grasp everything. This has nothing to do with intelligence, by the way. Money is complicated!

Q: I just discovered my 19-year-old son has over $400 in overdue cell phone bills. Should I bail him out just this once? I don’t want him to get a bad credit rating. Denise M.

A: No. Horrible idea. He ran up the charges so the best lesson is for him to pay them off. He’ll survive a less than stellar credit rating.

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