Alison in PRINT

Back-to-school blues

Toronto Star - August 20, 2009

Q: Help me! I am fifty-nine and recently gained full custody of my two-year-old granddaughter Paula. Her mother is my 34-year-old daughter. She’s never held down a job for long and has a drug problem. The father is a bit more stable and is working. When they come for a visit he cooks meals but she doesn’t do anything.

I own my home, worth about $750,000, but I have little savings and I need to work to make ends meet. I love my granddaughter but I’m wearing down and fear for my financial future. I am thinking of selling my house and buying something around $450,000. Paula’s other grandmother helped me with custody but her health isn’t the best. I’m hoping I can get my daughter back on track and am helping her with rent but I’m not sure how to move forward. Francine


A: If you were beside me now I would polish your halo. You have taken on a huge responsibility, emotional as well as financial. Now it’s time for a reality check. You need to lay out your financial situation for the next 16 or so years because I wouldn’t be surprised if you and Paula are going to be a team from here on in.

You absolutely must look after yourself. My grandson wears me out even though my husband is here when he visits. You can’t be dragging your daughter along, financially or otherwise. At thirty-four years of age only she can change her life. Stop giving her rent money and lay down the law; she either helps when she comes to visit or she doesn’t visit.

Realistically, I don’t think you can continue full time and look after a toddler alone. Perhaps your boss will allow you to work half time until Paula is in school. The reduced hours will ease the burden and help you enjoy her more.

With Paula as a extra tax deduction, your financial shortfall might not be as much as you think. Hopefully the father is contributing, but either way since the other grandmother is an ally, ask for her help also. Hard, yes, but be bold for Paula’s sake. Even a couple of hundred dollars a month will make a big difference.

Downsizing could really give you some financial freedom and help you step into your brave new future. Don’t forget you will pay less in property taxes, hydro and heating with a smaller house. If you sell, stash the cash somewhere safe like short term government and high grade corporate bonds and GICs.

Avoid the market because you don’t know if and when you will need to draw on the capital. Even averaging 3 per cent on $300,000 will give you $9,000 a year income. Next year you can apply for early CPP and collect 70 per cent of whatever your benefit would be at age 65.

Your goal is to make life simpler and cheaper in order to physically and financially handle the job you have taken on while getting the most out of Motherhood: Part 11.

Q: I truly hate this time of year with three teens bugging me for the latest back to school gear. Every year I spend too much and I vow to do it differently. I work full time and end up rushing around with them at the last minute. Any suggestions to help break this cycle? Martha Peung

A: Easy. Let them do the shopping. Set a budget and have each child draw up a list of needs and wants and scour the tsunami of flyers appearing daily to price everything out. Tell them the exercise will help boost their math marks. You go over the lists with the motherly veto then drop them off at the mall with lists and cash in hand.

They will make mistakes but you’ll have your sanity and a healthier bottom line.